A lot of times I forget that marriage is lived in the midst of a battlefield. There is a very real albeit invisible enemy fighting a very real albeit invisible war on unions everywhere.
It happens when I'm at my weakest--when I'm tired, haven't had enough time alone, or when it's almost that time of the month. Joseph will say something that normally wouldn't bother me and I'll think "Why is he so mean to me?" He will forget to do something, and I'll think "Why do I always have to do everything?" He'll try to kiss me and I'll think "Is that all he wants me for?"
The thoughts continue to snowball until without even realizing it, I start becoming annoyed by everything he does. I'll start wondering what life would be like if I wasn't married to him. On a couple of extremely difficult occasions, I have even threatened to leave.
I am not at all proud of these moments. But they do happen. And as I talk to more and more women, I realize I'm not alone in thinking these thoughts. Most of us married ladies truly adore our men. So what happens? How do we go from "Til death do us part" to "I'm better off without you?"
1 Peter 5:8 happens: "
stop and pay attention to my thoughts, especially in times when I am physically weak. So I invite God's presence to come wherever I may be. If I can, I turn on some worship music and focus on the Lord. Sometimes I have been so deep in my hurt against Joseph that all I can do is say "Jesus, please help me!" And I feel His presence, and he reminds me of who I am, and who Joseph is, and who we are together.
Father, let me always remember that my husband is not my enemy. My fight is not with him.
(2 Corinthians 10:3-5)