It's to you dear woman that I write today.
You deserve more. You deserve to be loved and cherished because you were made by One who loves and cherishes you.
But you cannot do it alone. You cannot suffer in your self-made cage of bitterness and remorse. There is no encouragement there. There is no healing there. There is no changing anything in there.
If you have resigned yourself to "nothing will ever change" or "if only my marriage were that good" then guess what? Nothing will ever change. Your children will grow up seeing you angry and cold, and they will struggle in relationships all their lives. And so it will go for your grandchildren. Your husband will dwindle away to an empty shell of a man and find his needs met in other ways. If he's like my own father, he will find other women and eventually leave you for one of them. If he's like my uncles, he will find addictions and pornography to throw himself into.
Alone and abandoned, you will struggle to make ends meet while your small children go from daycare to daycare while you work 2 jobs. Your older children will hate you for "making Daddy leave." Mother's Day, Christmas, your birthday will come and go without a single card or call.
I spent the first 20 years of my life living with this. It is a fate I want you to avoid.
But more than that I want you to know what a life of love is like. I want you to know what it's like to look into the eyes of the One who loves you and see yourself in them. I want you to see yourself as completely pure and beautiful in His eyes. That's where the key to a happy marriage starts.
But more importantly, that's where you start.
Right now. In your kitchen, living room, in your car, close your eyes and let go, dear one. Let the pain and hiding and despair and loneliness out. Let the tears come. Let the sobs come. Let the great heaves of everything shake your chest and body and tell Him everything that you have been trying to hold together all this time. Tell Him what you think of him and what you need from Him. And feel his arms wrap around you. Feel his peace surround you like warm rays of sunlight. Ask him to encourage you. Ask to see yourself as He sees you. Ask him to bring people to you who will love you right where you are.
I only know this because I have been in this place many times. And each time, He comes through for me in ways more wonderful than I could have ever asked for or thought possible. This is where I have learned to come when I don't know what to do in my life or marriage. He always shows himself. In a Scripture, a dream, a new friend.
Let today be the day you start your love story.